I enjoy lots of hobbies. At least I think I do. I have a sort of eclectic collection of interests. One of those is writing, but you wouldn't know it by my blog or my journal. Life seems to catch up to me quicker than I can get it all done. Anyone else have that problem? I have multiple blog posts written in the twists and turns of this crazy head of mine. They are probably as numerous as the books waiting to be read on my bookshelf.
I love to read too. A few years ago I took off in a race to see how many books I could devour in a year. It was really eye opening that it was possible to read that many books and enjoy them. Lately, that too is just waiting for a moment. A moment to read and enough energy to stay awake for page two.
I enjoy doing crafty things. I have a variety of them ready and waiting. Things like cross-stitch, jewelry making and cake decorating. On occasion I even break out the sewing machine for a few simple projects. For Christmas I received an acrylic painting set that my husband was so hesitant to buy because of this hobby delay disorder. I'm super excited to use it...but it rests, not yet used for the first time.
I enjoy cooking and creating new things in the kitchen also. Although I must make time for cooking, it is rarely any of those new and exciting pin-worthy super mom creations.
I enjoy clear and organized space. Something that really doesn't match the creative side of my mind. It also doesn't match the current state of my life or my home. If given ample amount of time, I might find what I'm searching to find.
I LOVE to date my husband. To sit and talk, laugh and enjoy each other and maybe even eat food I did not cook. Life really takes over this one. Miles away from family and living on a limited budget, it's not always easy to find that date night.
I enjoy spending time with friends and welcoming them into my home. But to get to the enjoyment part, I usually struggle with the rant and rave, dirty looks and exasperated fit-throwing get it clean part. Because I know ALL my friends live in super clean, white glove homes where never a piece is out of place. Did I mention that they NEVER rant and rave or give their children dirty looks?
I could tell you that I enjoy exercise especially running, but that would be a lie. I wish I enjoyed exercise even running because I know these really awesome mom friends that I hang out with and they run - not walk - 5K's, half marathons and even full marathons in all their spare time.
I'm sure you are wondering where this blog post is going...because I am beginning to ask myself. Did I mention it's all in my head? Yes, the things that hold me back most - are all in my head. Many of them are lies. Lies that lead to fear. The fear of failure. The fear of imperfection. The fear of not living up to someone else's standards. The fear of doing it wrong, all wrong.
Thankfully, God did not call me to live in fear. He has given me a spirit of power, love and self-discipline. He has created me to do the things that he prepared in advance for me to do. He promises me wisdom when I ask, strength when I am weak and hope beyond measure.
In the midst of unwritten blog posts, unread books, incomplete craft projects, repeated meals, store-bought cookies, piles of papers, dateless months, failed-to-issue invitations and never to be ran 5K's resides the heart of a family. My family. My live in chaos, beautiful mess family. A family not to be defined by the undone. A family to be defined by the love and grace of Jesus and his mornings filled with new mercies. Here I will choose to search for truth. Truth that sets me free from those lies that are all in my head.